Educate Our Sons
Serious truth from a friend and fellow blogger. You can find his work at http://hardtimesnomore.com/
(TL;DR: Let’s make discussions about rape and enthusiastic consent a basic part of the “birds and bees” talk between parents and teens.)
I had a long, and really good, conversation about sexual assault with some friends – mostly women – the other day. One friend said she once asked her aunt if she’d ever taught her sons not to rape, but it had never even occurred to the aunt. It’s so easy to think, “My child could never do a thing like that!” And it’s probably very true that your child would never do something they knew was that wrong. But even if they only want to do right, how will they know what that looks like if we don’t teach them? Kids learn from example even more than words, but most boys will never get to see their dad’s sterling example of how to not hit on a very drunk girl in a frat basement. Teaching takes words, too.
So that conversation got me thinking, and here’s my cultural suggestion – and my request to my many friends with new babies. Let’s make “don’t rape” and “seek enthusiastic consent” a basic part of the birds & bees talk, and perhaps the “your body is changing” puberty talk as well. Discuss rape and consent – including what consent means (if she’s drunk she can’t consent, wearing revealing clothes or cuddling on the couch is not the same as consent, a kiss is just a kiss, etc. etc.). These talks are the perfect, already-present opportunity.
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