Had to Get This Off My (Narrow) Chest

(cross-posted on Facebook)

I love my parents to death, I really do, and I want nothing more than to make them proud of me. That’s why it’s so hard to be told I’m going to hell, that they won’t attend my in-the-future-sometime-when-I-meet-the-right-boy wedding, that they won’t recognize any children we may adopt as their grandchildren. It’s why I can’t tell them about the boy I was legitimately in love with, no matter how badly I’d love to share. No matter how badly I want to share my life, my experiences, I know if I so much as mention a guy I find cute or desirable, at best I’ll get stony silence. 

To them, I’ve chosen to be gay. And being gay means I’m irredeemable, a likely pedophile and not possibly a respectable citizen. Anyone who believes sexuality is a choice, let me set you straight on that right away (no pun intended) — NO ONE chooses to be gay; I would choose to be straight any day if it were that simple. I’ve argued from every angle, and to the point where I just give up. I so desperately want them both to be a part of my life, and party to the most personal part of my life. I want to bring my future boyfriend/spouse to Thanksgiving and have him be welcomed as a part of the Taylor family, but for now, that’s not even conceivable. I have no lack of allies in my life; my sister and her boyfriend, first of all, are tremendous allies, as are practically all of you dear friends as well as the hundreds of people I know only digitally from around the globe. It’s just that the fact that my own flesh and blood doesn’t accept me for who I am that stings so deeply. I’ve tried, friends, I’ve tried so hard to explain, but it’s the book of Leviticus that always ends the discussion.

I’ll fight my own battles; you all know I’m not one to back down, but please please support your LGBTQIA sisters and brothers. We didn’t choose to be who we are, but we’re good folk just trying to find happiness. I hope my parents will come to understand that. On this Easter Sunday, I’m confident that Jesus Christ would stand hand-in-hand with the LGBTQIA community; we were born this way, baby.

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~ by Benji on 30 March 2013.

One Response to “Had to Get This Off My (Narrow) Chest”

  1. Dear Benjamin, Have your parents openly expressed these views to you? Are they all based on religion? Is there any little space in which you can have a calm and honest conversation about who you are? Can your sister help to bridge the gap? Or would they agree to sit down with a counseling psychologist (an “outsider”) who might explain that one does NOT “choose to be gay”? I agree with you too on Jesus: although I am not religious, I like the sound of him. He clearly and unequivocally stood hand in hand with the marginalized and those who were literally cast out by society. It would break my heart if my parents had done something like this to me. Continue to fight, but try to find more allies if you can and be strengthened by them. Much Easter love from Jamaica!

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